Do you feel like dysfunctional relationship patterns send you into spirals of self-loathing, self-destruction, depression, self-sabotage, and stressful ups and downs?
Do you find that no matter how successful you are in other areas of your life, you can’t seem to kick one or both of those decadent flavors of partners: Addict in Denial and Untreated Narcissist?
If so, you may feel like your whole life needs a cleanse - and you'd be right.
We think we’re doing everything right.
We are so nice to our loves. We give them everything under the sun. We are sweeter and more thoughtful and loving than anyone they’ve ever met before. Maybe some of them even tell us this when we’re first dating. We’re understanding! We make their lives easier. We meet all their needs. We even find them therapy and books to help them with their issues. Why can’t they see that nobody can save them like we can?
And after a while the pattern emerges that no matter what - they won’t even meet us half way. They don’t even reciprocate a fraction of what we do for them. We start to feel like no matter what we do we're just not good enough for them to try. They’re not always there for us when we need them like we imagined they’d be. They drown themselves in their phones, drinking, or just about anything else other than our embrace. They make us feel like we’re so high maintenance, demanding, needy, “too much”, “too ____” when we try to connect like we used to.
So, we try to be less clingy. We try to be easy-going, the cool partner. Nothing is a big deal.
You may look around and wonder how other people with bad tempers, "high maintenance demands," and impossibly high standards have people who want to date them, adore them, and marry them - but your partners can't seem to manage planning a date once in a while.
Or you silently study people who keep getting dumped, and commit to never being like them, so that you can be loved.
We try trusting the universe, surrendering to G-d, and looking for signs.
We’re constantly trying to find the next tip or trick to fix this relationship into the fulfilling union we want it to be.
We may try to improve our home keeping skills, learn cooking, sewing, fixing stuff, sex tricks; maybe we try being patient, leaning back, getting more involved etc, etc, etc..
Somebody would be out of their mind to not appreciate us or even risk losing us, right?
But lose us they do, when after all of our efforts and jumping through hoops the relationship just implodes anyway.
And what’s even worse is finding ourselves in variations of these dismal relationship situations over and over again.
Why can’t we get it right!? Why does this stuff only happen to us all the time?
We start thinking, “There must be something wrong with me,” or, "There's something wrong with THEM," repeating some variation of all men/women are trash, people just don't know how to love anymore, social media ruined relationships.
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Perhaps you've dedicated years to trying to fix this pattern already - many of my clients have. (I know I did!)
Maybe you've gone to therapy, or have become an armchair expert on narcissist personality disorder.
Maybe you binge-watch Youtube videos about dysfunctional relationships and what to do.
Maybe after relationships (or in them) you immerse yourself in your kids, or home keeping, religion, making art, exercising, yoga, etc..
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Or perhaps you go the other way, and you cope with your intense negative feelings by drowning yourself in vices ranging from substances to new lovers to rekindling an unsatisfying cycle with a disappointing ex, just for the thrill of it….
Whether it's with busying yourself or numbing out, you try to do whatever it takes to feel better and not feel that hole in your heart.
But whatever you’re doing, you’re feeling alone, rejected, and uncared for whether you have a partner or not.
If you're nodding along as you reading this, thinking "YES! I've tried EVERYTHING, the years are going by, and NOTHING WORKS!" then I want to take you by the hands and tell you - I have been there and I get it!!
First of all, I want you to know that you are a magnificent being, and you are absolutely 100% lovable. No matter what others have said, or how they have treated you, I know that this is true. The problem is NOT that you aren't loveable. You are not broken, nor are you doomed to have unsatisfying relationships forever.
Now hold that in your heart, and take a deep breath.
Introducing,
The Spring Forward Dysfunction Detox
In this highly customized 3 month journey, you and I are going to work together to change your life, from the inside out.
Month 1 - Learn the secrets of what is blocking you from living the life you really want.
- We're gonna bravely dive deep and unfold WHY you attract what you attract, and why these situations keep replaying themselves over and over again.
- We're gonna learn how your brain works when it comes to dysfunction, and how to gently work WITH our dysfunction rather than fight it, to begin to change it and end it.
- Once we discover exactly what dysfunctions are keeping you stuck on replay, we are gonna get into the deep inner work, using systems of East and West, in a system tailored just for you, to begin changing our dysfunctional ways into healthy and functional ways that work and feel like second nature.
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Month 2 - Build boundaries like a boss so you can always say no to what doesn't serve you, without fear or anxiety.
- Changing lifelong patterns and wiring is only for the boldest and bravest and not an easy task. Many fail. But you will not, because you will have me holding your hand the entire way as we begin making and enforcing new patterns.
- You're gonna learn and master the elusive art of exactly how to love yourself, because not all of us were taught how, and as we both know, nobody has ever explained this well in a satisfying way that makes sense.
- Learn how to be TURNED OFF and repulsed by others' negative behaviors instead of working harder to make dysfunctional relationships "work" (they don't work, otherwise they wouldn't be dysfunctional).
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Month 3 - Learn to navigate your love life without losing yourself.
- Whether partnered or dating or single, we can really be flooded with overwhelming emotions and demons with our insecurities and trauma. But now we will learn to navigate all of this with ease and peace, and get our needs met all along the way.
- Enjoy a fulfilling social life and community that uplifts and supports you without stress, resentment, or obligations that have you running yourself ragged.
- Learn to enjoy your alone time instead of feeling isolated and lonely. Whether you have a partner or not won't even matter because you will be loved on either way.
- Learn to recognize healthy partners and be rewire yourself to be turned off by the temptations of our dyfunctional past.
- Learn to catch and redirect yourself when you find yourself wanting to slip into the comfort of old dysfunctional patterns that lead nowhere good.
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Hi, I'm
Saku
I know a thing or two about detoxing from dysfunction and doing things a different way for different results.
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It hasn't been easy and it felt life-shattering every time, but I have learned that detoxing dysfunction out of your life is like a combination of developing muscles that get stronger the more you use them, and detangling messy wires and reorganizing them. As a certified personal trainer and yogini, sometimes you just have to help the person find the muscle to start. Also, sometimes we need a reset, and we have to just trace all the wires, unplug them, and rearrange everything so the entire system functions better.
When we detox, we calm ourselves, give ourselves the comfort we need so that the back parts of the brain can stop overriding the front parts so we can make overall better and logical decisions.
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Dysfunction is years of programming, engrained into your brain, and hard-wired into your entire body, so this is a lot more intricate delicate work than a bicep curl. I am a certified yoga instructor, with trauma-informed training, as well a certified life coach with specialties in Transformation and Emotional Intelligence.
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Who is this for?
- Anyone not understanding why similar relationship issues keep playing out over and over again
- Self-destructive types who need more support than 12-step meetings to make hard changes to their programming, bad habits, and patterns
- Anyone who either needs support to go along with their weekly therapy appointments, or somebody looking for an alternative to conventional talk-therapy
- Anyone sick of realizing they only seem to attract addicts and/or narcissistic, extremely selfish, and/or abusive partners instead of "normal" people like everyone else and they don't know why
- People who put in so much love, devotion, and effort to their relationships, who are hurting because all this effort is hardly or never reciprocated back to them
- People sick of feeling "not good enough" in their relationships, even though logically they know they do/did so much more than what other "normal" partners do
- People who go above and beyond to take care of or impress others, but when alone can't be bothered to handle basic self-care
- People who hate hearing, "you just need to love yourself" because if you knew how then you obviously would have done it by now to not be hurting so bad, and the reality is that nobody ever taught you how
- People who grew up around addicts, abusers, and/or caretakers with a possible personality disorder that wasn't ideal to be raised in.
- People sick of covering up others' bad behaviors, forgiving and forgetting but the same crap keeps playing out over and over again, pretending everything is fine or that nothing happened, denying that stuff is wrong or off, possibly being surrounded by a bunch of people who make you feel drained, tired, hurt, etc...
- open-minded people open to Eastern healing modalities
FAQ
Q - Can I do this even if I'm Christian, or are you trying to convert me to other religions?
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A - I have no interest in converting anyone to anything. I have knowledge to share that may be beneficial to you, and you can try these new modalities and still definitely be Christian, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, etc...
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Q - Is this only for straight people? What if I'm LGBTQ?
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A - I'm so glad you asked! I will refer to masculine and feminine energies here and there, which we ALL have, not just individually, but in our relationships too. But this does not mean I'm only talking to STRAIGHT people. It means we ALL need inner balance and harmony of our different energies, and folks of ALL genders and orientations.. AND colors... need this important balancing work.
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Q - What if this program makes me uncomfortable?
A - This program is about CHANGE, and change IS UNCOMFORTABLE. Detoxing is so good for you, AND uncomfortable! If you're uncomfortable, you are doing this right. Now, you will have MY SUPPORT to make it less uncomfortable and awkward as you make these necessary changes to your life. You'll have me holding your hand so you don't run from the discomfort, but face it and gracefully move into the next chapter of your life with the support, care, tools, and information that you will need.
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Q - Are there refunds?
A - No
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Q - What if I'm still in my toxic relationship or went back to it?
A - This inner work will be even more beneficial to you, and you will be able to apply it to your situation. There will be no judgements here! I have been there too and understand why we do these things. If anything, I will be able to help you notice things you didn't notice before and tips to change the dynamics for the dream you wanted all along.
Disclaimer
There is no guarantee that by using the techniques and ideas in this material that you will have a specific outcome. I cannot guarantee your success level, nor am I responsible for any of your actions. Many factors are important in determining your actual experience and results, and no guarantees are made that you will achieve any results from the ideas and techniques in my material.